Getting Rid of More Stuff...

It's funny that my last post, nearly a year ago, touted my need to simplify. The past couple of years I have found that the life I am leading doesn't really match up with the values I hold dear. Change, though difficult, is the only option in this circumstance. 

I approach change with just as much reluctance as the next person; I definitely do not seek it out. What I'm finding though is that this time, I am making a change on my terms, thinking of what's best for me and the people I love most. That makes enduring change much more tolerable.

This month, I am moving into a much smaller home. Im changing jobs. I'm finding my focus again. I'm excited to purge all the unneccessary clutter from my living space. I'm looking at the future with a growth mindset, ready for whatever the universe brings my way. Yes, I'm scared, but I know everything will work out for the best...whatever that will be.

Getting Rid of Stuff

It's project week at my house. I have just a few more weeks until another school year begins. Then it gets hard to keep up with the clutter. This year, I have made the commitment to simplify our house. I want to own things we need or use frequently and live without the rest. I think it will help us keep the house more organized even when life gets hectic. 

As I have sifted through room after room, making choices about items, it has also made me feel a little more relaxed. I love the thought of having passing along to someone else. It really warms my heart. But, I also know that I will be happier in less clutter, so it's worth spending hours readying items for donation.

Tonight, we put the last of the items in the driveway for pickup tomorrow morning. I chose the Epilepsy Foundation for the charity we are helping. I can't wait for them to take it all away. With it, a chunk of stress goes with it.

Summer Planning for Kids (lots of fun on the cheap!)

Wondering how you will keep kids entertained, yet stimulated this summer? This year, I'm making sure that my kids have a little more structure to their vacation. This will help them stay in a school-day frame of mind, but also gives me a chance to keep them from camping out in front of the tv for hours (although they would usually choose the computer instead). I posted the schedule on the refrigerator so that they know it's coming...since tomorrow is the last day of school. 

Here's what it looks like: 

Pretty well-rounded. It gives them a chance for choice, but also let me control some of the activities they partake in. We had our family meeting tonight and they seemed pretty pleased.  We also made a bucket list of some of the things we want to do this summer, most of which are visiting our favorite local attractions, but we are also doing some learning and volunteer activities as well. The regular schedule will be altered when we have an activity, and I am planning on doing 1-2 of the below each week (some on weekends though).

Our 2013 Bucket List:

- Visit the Zoo, Science Center, Missouri History Museum, Magic House, Arch, Art Museum, Gus's Pretzel Shop

- Use our free tickets for Six Flags (from the kids' school reading program)

- Go bowling (AMF lanes has a free kids program this summer) 

- Complete the Barnes & Noble and library's summer reading programs

- Have a baking day (hopefully on a cooler day)

- Picnic on Art Hill

- Go to the pool and the batting cages

- Volunteer at the St. Louis Food Bank

- Pass out 2-3 cases of cold water bottles at the bus station in July (there are no drinking fountains there, so people get miserable when it's hot and they have no money for the vending machine)

- Spend the day riding on public transportation and exploring (we used to do this all the time when we lived in the city - it's a cheap, fun day)

- Use our bikes for a whole day of activities (no car transportation)

- Walk to our local dollar theatre (hopefully to catch Iron Man 3)

Most of these activities are free or low-cost. Each year, I also spend about $50 at the dollar store buying outdoor items like bubbles, sidewalk chalk, jump ropes, hula hoops, water balloons, and squirt guns. I always have art supplies around the house, so I usually only need to buy a couple packages of construction paper. I am on the lookout at Goodwill and garage sales for an ultra-cheap karaoke machine. I think the kids would love it. Even if I don't find it, I know it will be a great summer...just one more day of school!

Revising Your Goals

Things change from year to year, and that means sometimes you have to rethink your goals. I have been so busy over the last few months, blogging had to be put on hold for a while. Now that summer is here and MANY things have changed in the past six months, I feel it is time to start up again. I visited my life goals page and made some updates. For example, I don't know if having a goal of moving is achievable in the next five years. I have recently accepted a teaching position and am unsure where my career will take me. For now, it seems much smarter to consider staying. I have also completed several of my goals, so I added a few new ones. It is okay to change what you want in life; just make sure your actions reflect what you are trying to achieve in the end.

Why Life is like Plants vs. Zombies

      I have a small attachment to a game on my iPod. When most people have to wait (in lines, at the doctor's office, etc.), they check their email or their social media "friends". If I have it with me, I immediately start to play Plants vs Zombies. I have beaten the game multiple times at this point, but I still love playing it. While completing another level on the game recently, I began to feel a little philosophical. The secret to beating the Zombies, who are trying to invade your cranium of its contents, is timing. Life is a little like that too. You have to plant the seeds of the things you want to reap later, or you'll always be going through difficulties (like Zombies eating your brains--or life kicking your butt).
     Looking back to the summer of 2008, I was unemployed, without a car, and living in a pretty tough neighborhood in St. Louis. I was raising my two youngest children full-time. Life was pretty rough there for a while. I was so depressed because my life was not going the direction I had always wanted for myself. I made other choices along the way, and now, I was reaping.  
    I received an email requesting me to call for an over-the-phone interview in September. By the middle of October, I was working full-time again and feeling pretty good! It was a long climb out of financial problems when you are unemployed for a few months. I was so lucky that I lived within my means during that time and my apartment complex/utility companies were willing to work with me. Life is full of small miracles.
     I felt so grateful to have a job, but it was almost as hard as not having one sometimes. I was at my workplace for nine hours, plus a two-hour bus commute in the morning, and another two-hour bus commute in the evening. That means I spent about 13 hours a day away from my kids, which also means paying for evening daycare ($$$). All of my wages went to housing, utilities (we didn't have cable, credit cards, or any luxuries), and child care. The biggest treat for my two kiddos was when we would walk a mile down the street to buy a $1 sundae at McDonalds (when I was off work). I picked up my kids way past dinner time, and when I had to work until 9 p.m., it was closer to midnight since the buses run differently late at night. But, it was a seed. Like my favorite game, you have to plant something to ward off the bad stuff. For me, this seed was bearing through the hard stuff, buckling down, and doing what needed to be done.
   In May of 2009, I moved to Saint Charles and bought a super cheap car ($750) with my tax refund. It was a whole new world to drive my own car after commuting by bus for over three years. I began to regain confidence in myself again. I was doing well at work, but I started to want more.
     In the summer of that same year, I decided to look into going back to school. I have always wanted to be an elementary teacher (I started out in the early childhood arena). The LCIE accelerated program at Lindenwood was a perfect fit for me to begin that fall. I really feel like I blossomed during this experience. I met awesome people, some of which I still hold treasured friendships with, learned how to be a better writer, and honed some of my people skills. I moved to the day program at Lindenwood in August, 2010. I enjoy and learn from my classes. Over two years later, I am months from graduation. The seeds I planted are nearly ready to be harvested. I am about to embark on my dream, all because I timed things out. I thought these decisions through and worked hard nurturing them.
    It is easy to sit through life and let it happen. You can watch others live and blame them for your failures, or you can start planting. It takes baby steps, a few at a time. Or....you can let the Zombies (otherwise known as the bad things in life) eat your brains.

Changing Your Mind

I recently attended a conference where the speaker explained her theory about mindset. She believes there are two kinds and both have a huge impact on the course of your life. At first I sat there thinking that her talk would be boring, and yet another "positive thinking" seminar. But, as I listened closer, I realized that she had to be reading my thoughts at that moment....


The first approach to thinking is called a fixed mindset. In this thought process, an individual has all the answers (right or wrong) and is very rigid on their outlook on most things. They see life as black and white, with a right and a wrong choice paired with every decision we make.  People with fixed mindsets do not see the possibilities in life, instead they see a sequential set of steps that should be attained at a certain age, almost like a checklist for their existence. While people with this line of thinking may seem very steady and reliable, they can also be the most judgmental and difficult. This is especially apparent when they stumble upon people or challenges that do not fit in their little box of a world or have no simple answer.


The second mindset is called a growth mindset. This schema sees life as a fluid and ever-changing path. While you can make plans, you have to be flexible and understand that things may or may not work out they way you started out, but life will continue regardless of the outcome. People with growth mindsets are open to change and actually seek it out. They know that sometimes there is not an easy "right" or "wrong" choice, just different doors to open with a myriad of outcomes on the other side. The focus of their life is to learn, from everyone and everything. These are the people in life that do not fit inside any mold that society mandates. They know that their thinking affects everything they do. They truly live life outside of the box and keep growing and changing each day. 


This workshop had a huge impact on my view, even of the workshop. My thinking that this seminar would be another boring talk about positive affirmations -- that was a fixed mindset. I need to be more open to what anyone, including the speaker in front of me, had to say about things that are around me. It made me think, "How do I approach things in my life...with a fixed or growth mindset?" Well, I can honestly tell you that it depends on the area of my life. But, it also made me realize that needs to change.


Today I learned that is not about thinking "good thoughts", rather it is being open to learning what the world around me has to offer. It is about knowing that there is always a choice in the way you approach it. Having a growth mindset in every area means that you won't expect ideas, people, or events to be any particular way. They just are what they are. You have to realize that the only thing you have a real influence over is your own mind, but that is SO powerful. 

Which one are you???

Be Your Own PR Agent

As a former professional recruiter, I understand how important personal presence is in the job market. If you want a job in broadcasting, for example, it is important to belong to organizations that promote that profession. It is equally important to be active in those organizations in order to network with a large number of people. Your odds will be greater if you know many people and keep those connections alive.

I began taking college classes in 1997, went for a couple of years, then stopped when my second daughter was born. The years flew by and I worked many different jobs in varying industries. In the end, I have found that in EVERY industry, it is who you know that will help you get the job you want. Once you have acquired the skills necessary to qualify for any job, networking is EVERYTHING!

In 2009, I realized that I needed more skills to be in the job I dreamed of. I went back to college and am currently in my last year of my undergraduate degree in education. I am  networking like crazy!!! I started by substitute teaching, which is a great way to meet educators currently in the field. At each school I worked in, I left my business cards and some candy in the teacher's lounge. That little bit of effort paid off right away. 

Since I am a student in education, I am also required to complete many practicum hours (working in a classroom for free to gain experience). Those experiences gave me even more opportunities to market myself and my skills to teachers (and the building principal). This fall, I am lucky enough to be student teaching in a classroom in which I have previously worked. This will be an excellent opportunity to show off my skills and talents with a teacher with whom I already feel comfortable. 

Today, I took treat bags to each of the teachers I worked with this spring. They had a notebook, pencil, a little candy....and of course, MY BUSINESS CARD. Getting people to associate my name and face (which are both on my business card) with all the positive little things I do to market myself will surely land me the job I have always wanted. I will continue with my efforts in the fall since I will be able to substitute until I find a teaching position. 

The lesson here is to BE YOUR OWN PR AGENT! You know what you do best, so market yourself accordingly. 

A Good Mom

A mother's love is truly unmatched by anything in the world. A mother carries you in her womb, feeds you, protects you, and loves you -- before anyone else has even met you. To a good mother, you are special at every age, whether you are happy or sad, obedient or troublesome, quiet or obnoxious.

Personally, I think a good mom is someone who sees their own weaknesses, who sees themselves for who they are, and works on those things that need work. Nobody is perfect, and no matter how hard we try, we're never going to be perfect. We can strive to be the best parent possible, but in the end, that's the best we can do. 

Sixteen years ago today (it's my oldest daughter's birthday), I began my journey as a mother at the age of 18. I have grown older and much wiser since that day. I am proud of my children and love them with my whole heart. That is something that nothing and no one can ever change.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happiness

People and things can make you happy...in the short run. True happiness comes from within. That is a lesson we all have to learn at some point in our lives. You cannot expect the world to "make" you happy -- that is YOUR job. Continually expecting validation from others or looking for material things/activities to fill the void you have within yourself is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. 


How can you be happy with yourself? 
(1) You have to forgive yourself for your past. You don't live there anymore, and neither should your thoughts. 
(2) Keep a list of things you do well or have accomplished recently. Refer to the list often and add to it -- even if the accomplishment seems small. 
(3) Surround yourself with positive thoughts, people and quotes. When you change your thoughts, you change your world. By thinking positively, there's no day that will get the best of you.
(4) Finally, smile. Putting on a smile not only increases your happiness, but has the same effect on others. By putting your best face forward, you will begin to see the positives in your life, instead of always focusing on the negative. 


While these small steps may not change every aspect of your life, they may control your reaction to it, which will make you happier and your struggles much easier to bear.

Where is the Love?

The love of my life :-)

I'm amazed in 2012 that there are still people who will make racist/culturally-biased comments in public places. This was a topic of discussion in a recent college class. The part that bothers me so much is that most comments are based on fear or ignorance. If you don't really know much about a culture/race, who are you to criticize? One thing I have learned is the some things never change. Sadly, people who live with any kind of hate in their heart are missing out on others who may enrich their life in ways they never knew. People they could learn from. People they could love. People are people, regardless of the color of their skin. When everyone in the world understands that, we will be able to live together in harmony. I wonder if that will be in my lifetime...

Goals Aren't Just for Setting

There are a million reasons to set goals for yourself. For me, it provides a destination to work toward. It's easy to set a goal, but not always easy to reach it. Sometimes there may be bumps along the way, but keeping true to your goals (and modifying them if needed) and maintaining momentum to accomplish them is possible. Today, I met one of my goals (from my goals page)...and that is an AMAZING feeling. Meeting one goal motivates me to move forward to accomplish even more. Remember, goals aren't just a list of things to post on your refrigerator. They aren't just for setting. They are for ACCOMPLISHING! Make sure you are doing at least one thing (hopefully more than one) to accomplish your long-term goals...it may be work, but it will be worth it.

The ABC's of Happiness

I agree with all of these... :-) Hope they give you some good ideas for creating your own happiness.

What Happened to Sundays?

I distinctly remember many Sundays when I was a kid... everyone had the day off and families could always get together on that day. All the stores were closed...and people were okay with that. They simply did their shopping and errands on another day. Sundays were reserved for downtime. The practice of keeping businesses closed on Sundays was known here in the States as the "blue laws." Sadly, somewhere along the line, Sundays became just another day for our capitalistic country to make money. Most stores and services today (except banks, schools, and government offices) have SOME hours on Sunday. Now getting together with family is more difficult because there is always someone who works on Sunday.

Maybe our country would be a better place if we took some of the lessons of the past and put them into action today. Everyone deserves a day with their family, friends, and loved ones. Everyone deserves a day reserved for downtime. I'm all for bringing them back. I realize this may inconvenience a lot of people, but hear me out. I believe the benefits of reinstating "closed on Sundays" would be beneficial to us all. 

1. Reduced Sunday Traffic

How peaceful it would be if stores were closed on Sunday again. No one hitting the roads early for those early morning specials. There might also be less obnoxious advertising in the Sunday papers.

2. More Time to Spend With, Not Spend On

Before the repeal of the blue laws, people would attend religious services, then share a meal with family and/or friends. Without a place to go to needlessly spend their money, people might actually rekindle more productive activities and get a life towards the end of the weekend. 

3. A Break for Service People

Take it from someone who worked in the retail/restaurant for several years - anyone working a service job deserves a guaranteed day off each week. Hotels are open 24/7, but retail workers should get a break like the rest of us.

Of course, the downside to bringing back the blue laws is that the stores and roads will suddenly be flooded with even more people during the work week and on Saturdays. In my opinion, that's a small price to pay for one day of mandatory sanity every seven days. 

The Right Thing

I don't think anyone sits down to weigh their options on an important decision and thinks, "I'll just do the wrong thing." I firmly believe that most people want and choose to do what is good and right if it is in their ability. The hard part isn't in making the choice as much as figuring out WHAT the right thing actually is. It is not always clear. What makes it even more complicated is when there is no ideal solution to a problem -- just the lesser of two evils. What should you do then?

Instead of making decisions based on right and wrong, many people do what looks good to others. In fact, most politicians live out their entire political careers doing this very thing. When I log onto social networking sites, I see many people showing only certain aspects of their life -- because they care more about what their life looks like to others than how it is for themselves or their families. I have learned that looking good is not always doing good, and certainly does not always leave you feeling good.


If you have really thought out a decision in your life and feel it is the best one for you, don't feel the need to justify yourself to anyone. Your life is yours, including all the choices and consequences. If you feel strongly about something, make choices that reflect that and don't allow anyone to criticize them. Stand firm in your ability to do the right thing for yourself and your family.

Things I Believe In

Lately I've been noticing many articles telling readers what to think or stand for on a variety of topics (you gotta love an election year). I don't have any inclination to repeat that nonsense, but here are a few things that I believe. Take it for what it's worth.

• I believe that people can change and grow if they choose to. It starts with making different and sometimes scary choices to make your life better. The best way isn't always the easiest way, but the work is worth it.
• I believe that you have to let go of people in your life that do not believe in, or truly care, about you. That doesn't mean you drop everyone that thinks differently than you. Instead, make a conscious choice to surround yourself with the people in life who lift you up, not bring you down.
• I believe that people grow and mature at a wide spectrum of rates. Some children grow into responsible teens and adults early in their 20s. They make the good choices and have an early payoff in life as a result. Others make make many, many mistakes along the way. It takes longer for those people to learn their lesson. They learn the hard way, but are stronger because of it. I also believe there are people never grow up. They are trapped in the glory days of their youth or the angst of it. Sometimes they never leave their childhood home.
• I believe that you can't take it with you. Even if you could, would you want to? Life is better when you are happy with what you have. Accumulating things just makes life more complicated. Keep it simple.
• I believe that the world would be a better place if everyone on the planet reached out in kindness to another person at least once a day.  I try to do something nice for at least one person each day. It is an amazing feeling to be the reason for someone's smile. 
• I believe in trying your hardest in the things you do with your time. Time is so precious -- why waste it doing things halfway? Whether you are working, in school, volunteering, or doing anything...give your best efforts. Knowing you gave your all makes success even sweeter.
• I believe all relationships take effort to maintain. Checking their social networking status or comments is not enough. Nurture your connection with your family and friends, especially through gathering together in person or talking on the phone. This brings more joy than any text ever could. 

St. Bubba Day

Happy St. Bubba Day!!! 

Summer 2003

My daughter, Katelyn, ADORES her brother, Patrick. When he was a baby, she never left his side -- except for naptime. But the word "Patrick" was impossible for her to say then. At barely one, she couldn't even say "baby" coherently yet. What she could say resembled "bubby", which stuck as Patrick's nickname for a couple years. 

St. Bubba Day 2012 (with a special card from Katelyn)

When he turned two or so, it evolved to "bubba". His plump, little cheeks framed the cutest smile on the planet. Once he started kindergarten, he adamantly wanted to be called Patrick from then on. Patrick loves having two special days every year: his birthday and "St. Bubba Day", which we still call it. I love having unique traditions in our family. I hope we always remember the stories behind them. 

To Do Lists

I am a list maker. Of the many lists in the back of my planner, some help me remember projects I want to do around the house, others list books or websites I want to check out. I love my lists, but I love checking things off of them even more. Keeping a master list of things you want to accomplish can organize your life. I know it does not work that way for everyone, but having some kind of method to the madness is a good start to taking control of your life and choices you make with your time. 


Make a list of all the things you want to do this week. Post it on the refrigerator or other place you see regularly. If you love technology, for example, there are free services that keep your lists online so you have access to them wherever you go! See if one of these methods makes you more mindful of those tasks. If so, you may want to do it regularly. For me, lists make my life easier. Hopefully, I can help you do the same!

Choices

The missing fence (about 15 feet wide)

This week I've been very privileged to be doggie-sitting for Avery, my brother and his fiancee's (he asked her on their trip :-) dog. She is an awesome dog and I LOVE having her here. It did remind me, however, of a little incomplete project in the backyard. Part of the fence is missing, so I cannot let her out in the yard to run and play like I want. To repair the fence properly, we priced the items at a minimum of $150. Well, we can't do THAT right now. So what's the alternative? Well, I found some security fencing for $30, but I'm not sure if it would keep her safe. Choices...choices....

One of the choices...isn't it AWESOME??

I came upon this picture in Pinterest (yes, its very addictive if you love making things). I really like the look of this and it is not very expensive (still going to be around $75). I'm not really sure what to choose.

Life is so full of options sometimes that you don't know which way to go. One way seems like a good idea, especially when its the easy route, but that is not always the BEST choice. I'm going to mull this over for a few days, since its already too late to fix it for this visit. For now, I'm just going to continue to take Avery on LOTS of walks to keep her entertained.

One-Way Relationships

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of relationship is, "the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or in the state of being connected". With this definition in mind, there is no such thing as a one-way relationship. In order for it to even BE a relationship, there must be two or more people connected. If there is no effort from two parties, it is nothing. This meaning impacts all types of relationships: ones with familiy, friends, lovers, co-workers, and acquaintances. No one person can keep giving and giving; getting no love or friendship in return will leave you empty. It takes two to cultivate a connection over time. 


Think about all the relationships in your life and evaluate whether they are two-way. Are you doing your part, or just expecting the other person to do all the work? Are you giving in a relationship, but never receiving what you need? If either of these apply, adjustments must be considered. You know deep down inside if you are in a mutually caring, respectful relationship. You know when you are by the way this person makes you feel when you interact with them (in person, on the phone, online, etc.). Use your feelings to determine whether you are happy most of the time around that person or if feelings of anxiety, fear, distrust arise every time you think about them. Talk to you that person and let them know how you feel. After all, there can be no good relationship that is one-way.

Change

Change is the only thing in this life you can truly count on. Whenever you really get settled into a groove, a change is bound to happen soon. The experiences we have in life can change everything, whether you want them to or not. Over the last year, I have felt like things are really changing in my life. After our home was flooded last June, my perspective changed. Then, when my grandma passed away last November, it changed again. The lessons I learned through these two experiences transformed my thinking and priorities like never before. I have new insight on myself and what I want for my family in the future. I will never be the exactly same person again...I'm changed.